Sunday, August 07, 2011

The Bald and The Beautiful

There was once a study that I read, it said that only 34 % of human males do not worry about how they look. This little blogpost is for a small percentage of the remaining 66 % who tend to fret about their receding hairlines, pimples and paunches.

Ok guys. I know how it feels, to wake up and realise that suddenly you are going to be one of those guys who will be referred to as “the baldie”, “takloo”, “abbe ganje”, “dei sottai” and all those nasty things. I will start getting such compliments in a few years. But do not feel bad or disheartened. It is just another way for society to make fun of people they can’t really comprehend like geeky Nobel laureates, business gurus with paunches or those selfless social workers with crooked teeth.

Have you noticed how most of the cleverest people you know around are bald ? Yes, do a little mental survey. The hair roots I am told tend to get loose because of the heat generated by the brain. So more the brain usage, more the balding. They will tell you its genetics. Nuh uh ! You’re just plain smarter than the rest of them with those hairy mops.

Also there is an advantage that most of the scientific minded will readily agree to. When designing automobiles, there is a concept that one has to keep in mind called Aerodynamics. As with the automobiles, the same concept can be applied to humans. Imagine the air resistance with all that hair on your head. So naturally, it is safe to assume that all bald men are more aerodynamic than their gelled hair counterparts.

Case in point, the Mahatma. By my calculations, if he did have a head full of curly hair by the time he did the Dandi march, he would have taken exactly 3 years and 2 months more to complete his march and would have been 23 % more tired after every long walk. Lesser load, more aerodynamics.

Do you really think Ronaldo would be able to get past all those defenders with such mercurial ease if he had a mop of hair disturbing his vision and adding to his load ? Nope. Never.

Let me stop giving examples of famous people and talk about normal people like you and me.

Example #1 : Man A has hair. Man B is bald. 2 mad dogs start chasing them. A and B start running. A’s hair starts falling from the sides of his head and he has to adjust them to achieve maximum speed, dog catches up. Cut to the climax , A is next seen screaming in the doctor’s office while getting a shot. B meanwhile just takes 6 seconds to achieve maximum speed, and effectively evades the pursuing mentally disturbed canine.

Example #2 : A & B live in a place where it rains a lot and don’t have the greatest of immune systems. It rains on A, his hair gets wet. He gets a cold, then a fever, then again visits the doctor. B meanwhile walks happily in the rain without any such consequences.

Example #3 : The Personal Care market is booming. Metrosexuality is now quite normal. The good shampoos/gels/oils cost anywhere between Rs.50 – 200 these days. A decent barber charges Rs.50 for a haircut. Combs can start at Rs.10 and go all the way upto 200 for the fancy hairbrushes. So who gets to save more, A or B. Simple isn’t it.

Example #4: Anyone who has studied high school physics will agree that shiny surfaces tend to reflect more heat than they absorb. So that makes bald people more immune to hot places such as our wonderful country.

So being bald makes you more athetically agile, literally cooler and life just gets more economical. Some more money to spend on the girlfriend/wife or yourself. And if you get bored of looking the same all the time, experiment with your facial hair.

Another point I would like to reiterate to the 66 % of the people who worry about their looks. Don’t let anyone tell you that you won’t look good if you go bald. Bruce Willis, Jeremy Piven, Jason Statham & Mark Strong immediately come to mind . Jason was also an Olympic swimmer, and Usain Bolt ran like a bolt of lightning, aerodynamics at work people !

So the next time anyone says something about the lack of hair on your head, you know what to say right !

Disclaimer : The contents of this entire post are meant to be taken in a lighten vein and the author means no offence to anyone famous mentioned in this post. Not like they care anyway.


Nive said...

'Have you heard that people who are bald are not really bald, they are just taller than their hair?' #mokkai #plissforgive #pj

(don't be offended by the use of hashtags in a non-twitter setting!)

hamsini said...

I've never understood why male baldness is such a big deal. For the record, I think bald men are incredibly sexy.

Manoj said...

"Have you noticed how most of the cleverest people you know around are bald?" Yes, I've known myself all along! ;)

Btw, is this a prelude to keep us at ease with the events to follow? ;)

Aislin said...

Hillarious stuff.. i started reading the blog with whole amount of seriousness in my mind. and ended up smiling :)